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Post by Super 'Mella Bear on Mar 18, 2008 9:09:35 GMT -5
Gracias for the feedback, Hooker T. Hooker TNice intro promo, bro. Interesting choice of gimmick, which I feel that it may take me a promo or 2 to really get into, but I really dug how you've managed to bestow upon him such a meaningful purpose. It's also coolio that you went with a character that happens to be more selfless than not, and I'm intrigued to see how you'll progress on that path, and to see how well Hook'll be able to stay the course w/o giving into the temptation of super-stardom.
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Mr. Thomas Hookton
Lower Midcarder
If Heaven Rides Against Us, Then Gods Be Damned
Posts: 117
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Post by Mr. Thomas Hookton on Apr 9, 2008 12:46:59 GMT -5
Can It Be That Time Already? Yes It Is. It's VCW Live 1.3 Feedback Alistair Bain: Welcome to the fold. I'm interested to see where you are going to go with this gimmick. I am a big person for character development and although it seems that you were scratching the surface here, there just wasn't enough to make me start caring about Bain, either positively or negatively. As it is an intro promo I'm not really going to hold this against you right now, though hopefully you build on this in the future. The short conversation at the end began to peak my interest once again, but I just feel the length there is detracting from it being able to fully assert itself as a strong promo. Austin: The update on Austin's health are important to the development of this character. It is the ability to carry forward storylines that will invariably get you involved in story arcs through the brand. I think you are onto something with the random texts messages, it adds a nice dimension to the promo's as it unveils more human emotions from Austin. The ending kinda baffled me, how did Austin know the guy is there? how could he? It just seemed like that was rushed a little bit. I like the break ups between segments, but a reminder: to keep interest and flow you have to start segments on a strong note, and end segments on a strong note. The middle can linger if you really nail the start and finish. The addressing of your opponents was well done as match relevance is always important to a promo. A little length would have been nice to the promo, it just seems like you have a good idea, but you could have gone more in depth with it. iSav: Wendigo, interesting. The promo was a nice little intro promo, which I feel is actually going to hurt you. You missed your debut where everyone was on even ground with intro promo's. However now it's up at 1.3 two shows laters and people are starting to get established. That being said I'll treat this as an intro promo. The length didn't really allow me to get into the story, and while I thought you had a great idea, I just think you didn't give it the depth that it deserved. It was a good effort, but there are things I would add to it to make it a little more solid. Give us a little more depth to iSav, obviously hates what he is becoming, build on that because it will give you multiple pathes to go down in the future. Tell us why he doesn't kll reginald instead of just mentioning that he can, little details that add depth to the character and the promo. Romeo: I was expecting something along the lines of a Vizzini promo, but I loved this thing. It's a great intro promo as we get to really see the flaws of Romeo's character. You started off with a bang of character development which is essential to really peaking interest in a character. The conversation between Christ and Romeo was good but it got thrown off by some formatting problems which made it kinda difficult to read. Even though you haven't promo'd yet you've had a lot to build on with Romeo and I think that works to your advantage right now as you aren't a newcomer at all. Nice promo. Exodus: Interesting take on a promo. The formatting kinda threw me off a little bit, but there would have been no other way to do this type of inner dialogue. That being said I loved the back and forth between this sides of Exodus and the blurring of reality. This promo really shows why you were promo'r of the week last week, and you didn't fail to deliver this week. You pumped out a solid promo that allowed us to see the inner working of Exodus. It's all about character development. However a little match relevancy would have been nice as it would have pushed forward the story arc of the seraphim falls tournament, but you can't win em all. Cain Ravid: Interesting promo. I dunno if it got me or not. I'm still indifferent after a couple read throughs. I'm not hooked by it, but at the same time I'm not turned away. It did push along the character a little bit and it did have a little storyline relevance, but I dunno if it worked. The two pagers are really hard to do and I just didn't get hooked this time. It had some great moments with the screw over of "Destiny" and I'm still fucking confused over who Andrew is and I think that really works for you. Magnum: Let me just say I hate ron livingston, only because he's a direct copy of Ron Burgundy haha. I feel that detracts from your promo's because I just can't get around the blatant ripoff. The Noisewater "Magnum" character is an interesting development and certainly fun to read. It's nice to get a crash course in the business every once and awhile and get a fairly "outsider" perspective of it all. It's a good promo that should make for a good match. Captain Courage: You have an interesting dynamic forming with CC and MS. Though I'd like to see MS use his sarcasm to really be a voice of reason, instead of simply a sarcastic sock. The promo was a little short and I think that detracts from getting too attached to the characters. We don't really get to see what Courage is like aside from overly self confident. And the scene helping the lady I felt was a little rushed. There were a few spelling errors that stuck out to me which kinda threw me off. It was a good basis of a promo and opened up a lot for you to work with, but I think it could use some lengthening and some editing. John Dunn: You're coming along with this gimmick well. You're doing it a lot better than the first Dunnsville one for sure. The only thing I would suggest is taking a little bit more time for some character development. Though the dialogue with Hookton and Mortus helped not only to further then storyline of the tournament, but also to bolster the Dunn character which is important. I like the toned down Dunn a lot better (For the censors) as he is easier to read and come to terms with. The segment at the beginning of the promo helps to further the Anonymous gimmick you are going for and I think that should be included a little more often, or relied upon within the promos. Feyd Brisbane: We talked a lot on AIM about this promo and I still like what you did with it. The flashes to the court transcript were well done and you didn't need a lot of description there because you did it perfectly with your writing. The dialogue flowed very well and allowed for excellent character growth and storyline advancement which are integral to the promo. The developments of both Knight and Brisbane are exceedingly important in this promo and you did them very well. Going with this existing duality in the character you need to play off both sides of the character and I think you did that well in this promo.
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Post by Mortus on Apr 9, 2008 13:01:07 GMT -5
Hookton - Nice one dude. Though, I wasn't particularly as keen on the last segment of the promo, I loved the first three.
Hookton dealing with his first Wrestling related injury + his sadistic wife/baby was gold.
The Harle reference was interesting. I remember being pwnt by an 'Art of Alliance' promo. =(
The /d/unn bit was equally good. A particular side of Hookton showed through, detailing his concerns of being pitted against a friend/ally.
Don't know why I didn't care for the last bit; it was well done, but... I don't know, I don't personally feel it offered anything to the promo that was needed. =(
Ah well, what do I know? I'm completely stumped as to what I'm going to write by the way. I'll think of something.
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Post by Ro on Apr 16, 2008 2:10:45 GMT -5
Hook, I'd appreciate some feedback for my first evah Romeo McCoy promo. Thanks.
Anyway, since he personally requested some feedback for his promo, here is some for iSav:
Once I read the opening lines, I thought it was pretty sick. Especially that part about you eating tits. I happen to love tits. Anyway, after that I was thinking about what kind of creature you were, and the fact that you managed to make me think and try to solve a mystery was great. You personally swerved me with the Wendigo answer when I was thinking along the lines of vampire from 30 Days of Night, and I like that. Pretty uncommon creature. Good throwing in some fair match relevance, as well. The only real problem with it is that it abruptly stopped when it was getting its groove going, so you left me desiring just a little more and a better way of going about and ending the promo. Overall, solid effort for a debut promo.
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Post by Mortus on Apr 18, 2008 16:31:08 GMT -5
Is can have feedback?
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Post by Sir Feyd Brisbane on Apr 20, 2008 11:18:34 GMT -5
If I could get some feedback, I'd appreciate it. I know I tried something a little bit different with using so much constrant dialogue and would like to know how you guys think it worked.
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cc
Developmental Talent
Posts: 37
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Post by cc on Apr 21, 2008 11:55:41 GMT -5
I will post some feedback to those I owe sometime tomorrow.
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Post by Eric Ares on May 20, 2008 19:29:39 GMT -5
1.4 Requested Feedback: The Cooler Clarke: I'm not going to critique your writing simply because I don't think I am on the same level linguistically as you can be when you want to. As for the promo itself, I don't know why but I found this one slightly lacking. Not in the character development, but in reference to the match. In all honesty I had to go back to the match card to make sure of who you were wrestling as they were mentioned only in passing. However this promo made up for it all by showing us what the average man thinks of Christ. I see Hookton a lot like Alex O'Rion personally (though I am biased) a guy who only wants to do what he does, and do it well, but beyond that he is still a normal guy. Also no matter how cool Harly is, Harlequin will always be better and I think interacting him with Hookton would be gold, again only my opinion. Cain Ravid: Another guy whose linguistic skills I tend to just leave alone for being great. First off I need to say Cain is probably the most intricate character in FMW. You made an entire promo that barely featured Cain and yet I still want to pull for him. I am not normally a fan of supernatural characters (mainly because my only one failed horribly) but the way you have connected the brothers Andrew and Cain and added Rachel as an extra touch is masterful. I don't have anything bad to say about this promo. It was both gripping and great, although like Hookton I didn't care for the skimming of your match tonight.
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Cain Ravid
Lower Midcarder
"Not so; if anyone kills Cain, he will suffer vengeance seven times over."
Posts: 106
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Post by Cain Ravid on May 20, 2008 19:38:25 GMT -5
VCW LIVE! 1.4 Feedback Eric Ares: You know what I like about your promos? You do something that is so damn hard for me to grasp and actually put into my e-fed writing and you do it so brilliantly and flawlessly almost each and every promo...you center your writing around your opponent and really set yourself up for a great match. The whole scared of dice thing was hilarious and your promo had me laughing as usual. Which is another thing I am envious of, I can't seem to write humor, yet you accomplish it each and every time your fingers tap the keys for an Ares promo. I think you had the extremely hard task of playing an overly cocky, arrogant heel character which almost everyone tries to do, and actually getting people to enjoy him. I think you have take the ball and really ran with it. Well done! Chris Austin: When I started to read this promo and I began to realize that you were going to rape this female in your promo...I was disappointed. On one hand I would have commended you on taking something that someone had used in order to put you down and turning it around to benefit you, that would be great, however when I believed that you had actually turned Austin into an ACTUAL rapist, I thought it was all for cheap heat and really shouldn't have been done. Imagine my relief when it all turned out to be a dream! Well done. Also, the use of Magnum throughout the promo was very good, and I didn't realize so many things bore the Magnum name. I think that this was by far your best promo in VCW! Bmore: This was a good intro promo. It did a very good job of showing that Bmore is a man of his people. You also mentioned your opponent and your upcoming match which is always looked at as a plus. I do hope you plan to expand this character little more. I know that he's this great DJ from Baltimore whose the life of every party...but is there more? I hope so or else it might get a little stale. Also, the part where you tired to explain how he was mixing songs together was completely lost on me. I don't know those songs...therefore can't even begin to imagine what they would sound like mixed together. That's real hard to do and maybe you should limit it in the future. Good start and hope to see more of Bmore in the future!
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Austin
Lower Midcarder
Posts: 172
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Post by Austin on May 20, 2008 20:21:51 GMT -5
1.4 Feedback(Can't get feed without giving feed right?) Eric Ares: Hilarious. Absolutely Hilarious. I read this, and the thing that drew me in was your apparent fear of dice, and I was amazed at how you were able to base this entirely on Feyd and his character, so bravo to you for that. As Cain said, I also struggle to write humorous, and I am jealous of how you manage to do this effortlessly. Great work all around, and you may be the one guy that will get the most out of "I am better than you." Thomas Hookton: I'll admit, sometimes your writing tends to drag on every blue moon, but then again, it is the most human out of all the works here, and I like authenicity. As it were, this one was missing the "It" factor a little bit. But, most of your works are just damn good reads. That's really all I have to say about this. I liked it a lot, but something stopped me from like liking it. Very Solid. Magnum: This was pretty good, and I really liked how you were worried about how you may have been found out. That is something that I will keep an eye on. This is gonna sound biased, but the only thing I didn't like was how you portrayed me as an "actual" rapist. I understand why you did it, and it was a dream, but it kinda irked me is all. But, no harm there, as I did call you Kenny. This was more action-packed than other works, so kudos for that. Good work. Cain Ravid: I was really creeped out by the beginning of it, and I was rather and oddly relieved when it ended. The middle part really had me going, and it showed how Ravid is a drifter in in every sense of the word, lucky, or unlucky depending how you look at it, that's a good thing. I am very interested in seeing how the addition of Andrew/Satan makes your development go, as this was more of a cliffhanger ending. I like cliffhanger endings, and I like this. MORE TO COME!!!
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Post by Craig Christ on May 21, 2008 10:05:40 GMT -5
Austin - This was a shock. Not only because of you taking the rape statement and managed to turn it into something totally awesome, but because this was that damn good. I liked the promo. The deliberate repeated use of the opponents name was good, using the rape as a metaphor to how you will defeat him in the ring was well done and nicely set up. You should pat yourself on the back for a job well done here. Still, the thing that this promo stood out most for was your ability to improvise. You were thrown a curveball with the rape thing and you capitalised so well on it. It’s that that really impressed me the most.
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Post by bmore on Jun 19, 2008 12:58:35 GMT -5
Cain Ravid: Great twist at the end is was suspected with the whole Cain and Abel part but by god i want to see where you go with this, cain killed abel so it will be really interesting on where the path takes you along this road. The rest of the promo was great it kept me wanting to read on and on, the imagery you use sets the scene well without it dragging on to much that it loses your focus. Great Promo i really enjoyed reading it and i definately want to find out about this brotherhood. Good luck at Crimson Dawn Mortus: I don't really know what to say with this one, it explained a bit of the character to me, and as i read along the whole "We" thing sunk in as i found it annoying at first, luckily you used it well so those thoughts left me. The music though is it an actual song? Anyway that part of it kept me captivated long enough and without it i would of been really lost. More to come meaning this promo is not finished or the story continues? Ill find out soon enough. 2nd part was much better you had me from the start and you didnt lose me, the Christ part was well done, as was the Austin. The way you have linked it all together with Blood is well done. Austin: You're fucked up! on to actual feedback, it took its time but it sped up real quick real fast. I have my idea for the mysterious caller, i if i have learnt anything from your promos (both EB4 and Austin, hence the gimmick infrigement call ) is you like to make the reader fully believe something then make us all completely wrong. I didnt think it was Austin for most of the promo, but the way you had the targets was well done. Really Enjoyable read. Exodus/Drew Micheals: Good story you have going, it rminds me of the family guy movie, 3 parts showing one general story but they can be split up and read alone without needing to read the others. The spiritual fight of Exodus and Drew was a parrallel to you having to face a Misfit. If you can, would you post part 3 of the story when its done? Also, Constantine! (hey i wrote 8 mile one...) Magnum: Things i liked: You broke down each opponent, showed some background. Things i didnt like: The whole Ron and Chase thing, i saw it as unnessicary, and the Drew Micheals part since he wasn't involved in your match nor other matches i didnt know why it is there, also i thought Drew Micheals had seen the light and become somewhat of a good will christian, because that wiki is out of date i think (i.e doesnt say he is current LPW world champion). Bright: Balls! This was a really good read, you addressed me in a way i didnt think you would and did it nor that well. Seems both our promos have a few links between them. Also, you have said things in that promo that will help my future character development. You ended with a Tombstone as well! Pains me to say it but good luck at Crimson Dawn. BUT! You are australian yet you said mom and you put the dates as month-day-year! We dont do that here! Hookton: Setting up a story with Will there is nice, makes me want to know more. I also like the way you exchange with the Catherine character. Good Promo overall. Nobnard: You did a good way effort at setting the scene for your match and creating a backstory it also seems that you are setting up for something big at 2.1. This was much better than your previous promo as well, so it shows improvement. more to come!
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Post by Mortus on Jun 20, 2008 17:28:09 GMT -5
There's more to come; it's not finished; there are a few details I need to figure out before I finish up. =)
Also; yes, it's a song; Iron Maiden - Two Minutes to Midnight. =) I found it fitting.
Feedback for -
Bmore - Ok.
I like the backstory that was given in the promo; I like how you've linked the promo with trash talking with Bone-bone.
It's a tragic story; similar to the plot of 8 Mile, (Or at least that's how I see it,)
'Oh noez things are shitty i find music yayayay.'
Not that this is a bad thing at all, I just like to cut things down.
It gives you a lot to expand upon; and I trust you'll do just that in future. Best of luck.
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Post by bmore on Jun 21, 2008 17:42:45 GMT -5
mortus write in here when youre finished please so i know to re read
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Post by Mortus on Jun 22, 2008 9:28:05 GMT -5
^ Done.
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Post by bmore on Jun 22, 2008 14:03:05 GMT -5
haha mortus i didnt see the 8 mile part but you opened my eyes. His mum did look like kim bassinger...
i hated that movie
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Post by Sir Feyd Brisbane on Jul 1, 2008 11:31:51 GMT -5
I can has feedback?
More than anything I need to know if the length of my promo killed your guys' interest or not.
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Post by Ro on Aug 11, 2008 6:33:45 GMT -5
I think we need more of these.
2.1 FIRST-EVER ONE-LINER FEEDBACK FOR THOSE WHO ASK NICELY AND OFFER SACRIFICES
Austin: This is the kind of promo that I've secretly always wanted to pull off without a hitch; no embellishments, no complex plot lines, just you and a camera, talking shit about your opponent - while I'm a good fan of big promos, I can be just as appealed to by a barebones yet solid promo.
Cain Shelby: I can feel the bitterness you have over that Mortwos guy stealing your hard-fought win, and I always like it when people make something ordinary into something more complex (see: how the "Devil" arranged Cain vs. Christ; Ethan Black's Ultimatum promo)... and that last line was worthy of brick-shitting.
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Post by Mortus on Aug 11, 2008 17:24:54 GMT -5
MORTWOS.
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